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Hrrm...so it looks like my good luck yesterday was just softening me up, so that instead of turning into a depressed mess today, I'd merely just be miserable as fuck.
Fighting with my boyfriend over e-mail, which is retarded, but hell, it's finals week, I'm having trouble getting hold of him, and I choke up when I'm pissed at him anyway. Well, I wasn't even pissed before, but I am now. I am having legitimate concerns about the two of us lately, and his sarcastic responses really aren't helping the matter. I mean, no relationship is perfect, but when you're honestly considering making it a lifelong thing, you have to be a bit more careful. What's stupid is that I'm pissed and angry at him for being pissed and angry at me. He probably has a reason to be. I said some mean things, but they were mean TRUE things. At least, true to me, because apparently no one cares to tell me the whole story of what the fuck is going on. It's just...if you know someone with a past history of heart attacks, you don't exactly wait to rush them to the hospital when their chest hurts and their arm starts tingling, do you?
I just..haven't got the emotional stamina to deal with this right now. I have a final today and probably the scariest doctor's appointment in my life tomorrow...Guess I'll just ride this out at home, where at least I know I won't have to see him and be rendered unable to speak, which is what always happens.
It boils down to this: Either I've been stupid, and not trusted my significant other enough, or he's stupid for not taking care of some stuff that needed to be taken care of. Either way, he's not taking care of stuff, and has shown no signs of doing so, and he has not taken care of exatly this kind of stuff in the past. What am I supposed to think?
Ugh...I just...feel sick and anxious and depressed. I wish my compressor would come in, and the head annie ordered, so I could just throw myself into something artistic and forget about all this crap. Tomorrow I will either be feeling much better, or indescribably worse. Time will tell.
August 11 2005, 16:06:25 UTC 6 years ago
Christi and I have communication problems all the time. I think it just comes with being with another person - any other person. Not necessarily even in a dating situation. I have communication problems with friends too... it's the nature of human beings.
There are times there are some pretty major things I ask Christi to do that she forgets and I'm sure that there are things she asks me to do that I forget. It's just a matter of if it's a forgivable offense, if it's something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, and if it's something you two can work through.
I mean, I'm strange... to me, "the grand scheme of things" is pretty broad. When it's things like bills and money, I really could care less. Yes, it bothers me they were forgotten and we have to pay a late fee, but it doesn't adversely affect me because 10 or 20 years from now, I won't even be living at the same place so the bill that was forgotten and the subsequent late fee is pennies in the grand scheme.
When it's more important things like health or happiness, as long as she lets me know it's still on her mind, I don't mind if she forgets as long as she'll get to it eventually.
I apply the same reasoning to me because I can only hope she forgives me the same way when I forget. ^_^
Ultimately, I think it boils down to personalities and happiness. Christi makes me happy because she's the female equivalent of me... she's goofy and fun, she plays with my stuffies and is the right amount of vulgar without being obscene. Sometimes she crosses the line but it's never out of bounds. To me, that's what's important. Yeah, sometimes responsibility and time management issues bother me but those are things that might improve or might not... but they're not important to me yet ^_^
August 11 2005, 23:25:00 UTC 6 years ago
Good luck on all things, Minda. let me know how it goes.